


I watched you slip, slip away

by Analinea



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, Hopeful Ending, I needed to address the feels and repercussions that were absent from the show, Stilinski Family Feels, a canon one anyway so nothing more than in the show, or something like that idk, s06e10, season 6, what's new in Teen Wolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 22:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9570380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analinea/pseuds/Analinea
Summary: Claudia Stilinski is briefly back from the dead and not in a good way...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, fucking Teen Wolf guys. I give up!  
> I have a million rants ready about how useless season 6a was in terms of plot, character development, relationships, but I'll save you from the agony of having me talk about it for freaking hours!   
> This is kinda related, since Claudia's return has been used as a plot point but the feelings it brought to the characters (read: John and Stiles) has barely been addressed at all in the show because what's the point in being character driven imma right? *rolls eyes*  
> So it's short and not exactly entirely what I wanted it to be, but I wrote this because I just couldn't leave it alone!   
> Enjoy!

He thought it couldn't get any harder.

No, that's not exactly right. He's a Sheriff, he knows exactly how bad it can get, and that's not counting on the fact that these last three months he had...forgotten.

It's the agonizing part of the latest supernatural case, how happy he was despite the hole in his heart that knew something was missing. The fact that for a second -for three months- he chose to forget his son instead of losing his wife again.

The guilt is almost too much, on top of the pain, it makes him ache for a bottle. It's less than a need or a want, more of a phantom memory of the relief it used to bring him.

God, he just watched her vanish in front of him and now he has nothing.

This is worse than the grief after her funeral, because he's alone now. It's like the fear from the Nogitsune only worse, because where he almost lost Stiles once now he really did. And he didn't even notice.

It comes crashing down on him all at once.

No Claudia, no Stiles.

He lost her without even the assurance of it bringing his son back.

And then with each tear he remembers another thing (drinking himself to oblivion and the look in his kid's eyes that made him stop and finally take care of them both even if it was painful, so painful to hear Stiles' gasped breaths and his half lucid admissions of _I killed her didn't I she didn't love me anymore did she?_ ) leading him to swear something to himself.

Stiles won't know about this.

If– when he comes back, Stiles doesn't have to know that his absence brought his mother back.

No...no, that's not right.

No more lies.

He'll face this. He'll face the fact that he failed as a father in the last months, he'll face the fact that his wife was there again only to be ripped away.

He'll face the wrongness that he ignored in favor of the happiness he felt.

But first, he has work to do. He can't be the last decent Stilinski standing. He can't leave Stiles alone and scared. Not again.

 

}-{

 

“What do you mean they brought her back?”

It's like ice in his veins. Years spent trying to convince himself that his mother's death was not his fault, that her illness was not. His. Fault. A second to bring the guilt back.

He knows, logically, he fucking knows that he has nothing to do with it, but childish convictions stay rooted in you your whole life and there's not much to do to get rid of them.

His mom once said: “I'm just so tired all the time, that's why I don't feel so good.” It was before they knew about the dementia, when she just started forgetting little things. The road to Scott's house, to pick up the groceries from the trunk of the car, to take Stiles to the dentist.

His mom, later, said in the phone: “Stiles, stop it! Yeah, he never stops, he's so tiring sometimes.”

It probably wasn't the only time she said something like that but it's the one Stiles remembers.

The math is so simple and so vicious at the same time and before you know it, mom plus tired equals sick becomes mom plus tired because of Stiles, and soon enough the end result is that she's dead.

 

And then she's _there_. In front of him, and he can repeat “You're not my mom” until his throat is raw, she's still...

She looks so small now, not 'hospital bed' small but 'I'm an adult too' small. There was no evolution through the years between fitting entirely in her arms and being taller than her.

It's a painful superposition, a subtractions of all the missed years.

Her face changes and her skin looks solid like a tree. Stiles has a second of thinking _great, more nightmares_ before he realizes he stepped back.

He's so frightened. Can't help the realization that it's not only of this creature that pretends to be his mother, threatens to kill him to stay with his dad; he's afraid of his own mother.

_He's trying to kill me!_

He had forgotten. The defense mechanism that had allowed him to forget about this had been a _mercy_ and it's been taken away from him and now all he has is the phantom pain of her nails scratching his face.

He can't think of anything else over the sound of his own screams.

_Mom, what are you doing? Mom!_

She attacks Lydia, that's what snaps him out of the flashback. He can't stand by and do nothing, so he tries to help but it backfires spectacularly because the creature -mom- grabs him by the throat and squeezes.

It -she- is so much stronger than him, he can only clench his fingers around her arm and push weakly.

He can't breathe.

He can't fucking breathe and isn't that a shitty irony because how many years did he spend failing to breathe because his mother was dead?

He kinda wishes for her success. Just. Letting the darkness take him in a final grotesque semblance of a panic attack. She can take his place in the house, take care of John Stilinski who'll no longer be a widower or even a father. They're happy with just each other.

That's how he pictures the last three months going for his dad, and he would cry if he could only give his lungs some air. It's not only that it hurts, it's also that he feels so selfish for wanting to be the one to stay when there's a chance for her to be back.

_She's not your mom_ he tries to tell himself, but his brain is too deprived of oxygen to be completely lucid.

So he's caught between wanting to be done with all of it and really, really wanting to stay. He just got his father back, and Scott. God, Scott, he can't leave him behind like this. Not this close to the end of their high school story, not when Scott just got him back too.

It's too late to fight, though. He's out of strength.

And then, just like that, he drops to the ground and get a lungful of air. Coughs. Breathes again.

It's feels as good as it hurts.

 

}-{

 

He shot his wife. He. Shot. He shot Claudia.

Twice.

He doesn't know what's worse: the way Stiles is limp in her hand, the way she's killing her own little boy, or the two bullets he's forced to put in her.

It's not really her, it can't be, not if she's hurting Stiles like tha–

Only it happened before, didn't it?

He can't deny that she already hurt him once, when she was close to the end and not really Claudia anymore.

That's a hard thing to think, but he can't help himself. _By the end, she wasn't herself anymore_ , that's what the people on the other side of dementia say, right? John doesn't have the time to ask himself about the truth of it, the comfort of it, he certainly hopes he'll never find the time to dwell on it.

All that matters is Stiles, right now, breathing, alive, existing.

It's not the time to think about the gun in his shaking hand and the way he feels dirty all over like Claudia's blood is on him.

The creature didn't even bleed, but–

Still feels like it.

The ground starts to shake and Scott probably managed to defeat the Nazi werewolf with his army of Ghost Riders -what's his life, honestly.

He can't find it in him to celebrate that fact, though, that victory; he just...he wants to hold Stiles and never let go.

They look at each other for a second, Stiles trying to get up, one hand on the wall to support himself. And then they run -stumble- towards each other.

The hug in the train station was nothing, rushed and still feeling too much like a possible goodbye.

This. This is good. This, maybe, can make him feel less like he's got Claudia's death covering him like a second skin.

This time around they won't stay silent, it's a promise he makes to himself and Stiles. They won't keep the words and the hurt inside until they're eaten from the inside.

Also, it's about time they take an extended holiday from this supernatural crap.

Seriously.

 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?  
> Kudos and comments are more than greatly appreciated *stares at you through the screen*  
> I'm on [tumblr](http://kinsbournescream.tumblr.com) if you're interested!


End file.
